The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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