Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dicks are not precious.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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