so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
