You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
