i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What a dumb baby whore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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