OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
