there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
