great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
