And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
