i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
