and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
