his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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