I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That's how pantless uber rides happen
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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