I'd wear matching sweaters with you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
