hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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