well you can't waste a boner
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
