you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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