Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
