We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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