Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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