Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
