I'm drive I can fine osifer
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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