This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
