I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
