I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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