i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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