He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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