i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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