Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
