I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize