Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
home. puking in laundry basket.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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