i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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