So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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