i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
