i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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