I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
