i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
