Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Rumble strips road head = magical
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
