The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
