You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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