I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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