I smell stomach acid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
