maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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