I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
