I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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