u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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