FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
