Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
