U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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