i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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