I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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