i think my mom watched the whole time
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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