Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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