This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
