i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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