Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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