Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
