thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh god it's open bar.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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