Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
