So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
