You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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