If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize