ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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