We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
