My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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