Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
