wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
