4 words: hood of his car
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
